Art... my life........

I've always love arts. Be it photography, paintings,poetry, music, movie(yes, it's not a mere entertainment) My camera by now is like an extension of my body. I can go out without my handphone, but not without my camera.
I love poetry, ironically thanks to the late Tupac Shakur. Yes, you heard me right. The rapper who was shot dead on Sunset Boulevard, Las Vegas where the circumstances of his death is shrouded with questions and mysteries.

I can safely assume that for those who doesn't know who Tupac is, he wasn't just a "rapper".I think he is the most gifted rapper of all time. Which rapper writes and performs for the sake of racism, social injustice, artistic purposes, instead of purely for fame and money?
In this book that reproduce his write ups and poems, it revealed another side of this outwardly hardcore hard hitting foul mouth "African American".
I was moved and got so engrossed with his poetry than i actually interpreted what he wrote with my own point of view of what he tries to convey.

This book started off with the first page with it's title," The Rose that grew from the Concrete."
What does it mean????
Good that you ask. This piece of masterpiece if filled with writings expressing his feelings towards childhood, growing up in the "Projects/Bronx", how he dealt with a mother who held an authoritarian position in the Black Panther movement, his passion for art, music, his zest for life.. It's amazing how much you'll know a person simply by reading their compositions and their writings.

Take for example the first and most prolific poem of his, "The Rose  That Grew from the Concrete."

"Did u hear about the rose that grew from a crack in the concrete?
Proving nature's laws wrong it learned 2 walk without having feet
Funny it seems but by keeping its dreams
It learned 2 breathe fresh air,
Long live the rose that grew from concrete when no one else cared!"

Imagine writing this piece at the age of 18. One needs to go through life of hardship and struggle in order to come one with something as genuine as this.

It gets better from there. I could almost feel what Tupac felt when he wrote this...
Sometimes I cry
Sometimes when I'm alone
I cry because I'm on my own,
The tears I cry R bitter and warm,
They flow with life but take no form
I cry because my heart is torn
and I find it difficult 2 carry on
If i had an ear 2 confide in
I would cry among my treasured friends,
But who do U know that stops that long to help another carry on?
The world moves fast and it would rather pass u by
than 2 stop and c what makes u cry
It's painful and sad and sometimes I cry
and  no one cares about why.....


There is this beautiful composition of Tupac's that happens to be my personal favourite. It's called Thug's Mansion. Listen carefully to the lyrics.




Do you merely call that a rap song??? Much more! In a single composition, he expressed his life, his hopes and aspirations, his struggles, etc.

Under the Skies Above- after the miscarriage
My child is out there somewhere
under the skies above,
waiting anxiously 4 you and me
2 bless it with our love
A part of me a part of u
and a part of this love we share
Will protect my unborn child
who lives dormant out there somewhere
Sometimes in my dreams
I imagine what it would be like
How could I properly guide him
when even I don't know what's right
Whether he is born in wealth or poverty
there will be no deficiency in love
I welcome this gift of life
given from GOD under the skies above. 


His poetry aren't simply expression of art, but his life. Often times his poems reflects upon the happenings during his growing years, his encounter with social and racial injustice, how politicians do nothing to alleviate the social ills,etc..
We only live once. Whether or not you believe in reincarnation is irrelevant. I've seen enough death in my career to know we ought to do everything we can, call up the people we love and tell them we care and willing to share with them.
At this point of life being a doctor, though in a way a scientist, I've got the opportunity to see the philosophy of life along with science.
I've learned to be more passionate about life. I've learned to write to my parents despite all those previous fights. 3 years ago, I suddenly developed a life threatening convulsion during Chinese New Year. Right after that, I wrote a poem which i've never read to them.

"Among the three of us
I was the one that breaks your heart
so frequently, whether consciously or subconsciously
As i sat back and reminisce the angst I've put you through


I've seen death, and i seen the dying
but nothing breaks my heart when i saw you crying
ma, you mean everything to me
I'll make you proud one day, you'll see


Pa, you have been the source of inspiration when I needed it
though we haven't spoke much over the years, but there is much spoken in the silence between us
I have imagined life without both of you, i'll cry till tears of blood streams down my cheeks
I have everything today because of what you're sacrificed in your days
I am honoured to carry on the name of family
I am honoured to carry the burdens of the family


I remember when i was young i use to kiss dad and mum goodnight
but as i grew up, for no reason, i grew apart from you dad
Though i still love you from the bottom of my heart
Do you remember you called me up all the way to India when i went astrayed
I lost my way due to unbearable pain someone has caused
but your gentle word which i miss all these years were magical to my ears
through thousand of miles you convey your love and hope to me,
giving me strength to live life standing on my own two feet again
And during Chinese New Year I was admitted to the Emergency ward
I caught a glimpse of my mum covering her face with tears streaming between her digits
I vowed never ever to cause such worries to mother again.


I love you dad and ma
You meant the world to me
everyone morning seeing your laughter meant a word to me
I guess I need to appreciate life more than to continuing to err for a living."

I've done a lot of things in life, often beyond rationale and comprehension from my parents and wife. Life a tattoo that I've yearned for over 14 years...

A tattoo that I wore for spiritual reasons and never once have i shown this to the public.
If it's spiritual, why not just keep it inside? Why should I get myself inked for this?
If such question pops in your head, you probably belong to one of those who don't try to understand my undying desire for this tattoo for the past 14 years. I've held back over the years for fear of parent's reaction. But again, I told myself, this isn't a sign of gangsterism, nor for artistic purposes. I was a vegetarian for 8 years, and I remember the reason for being one. It;s valid, sincere, and genuine, hence I did not develop any self conflicting meat eating desire during those period. Cold turkey, once omnivorous bordering carnivorous, simply turned pure vegetarian.
I am fortunate enough to be blessed with a wife who understands my needs and sees beyond my shortcomings. A rose for life for her.

A real rose doesn't last. But a thought, the effort, and drawing of one does.So I painted her a rose for life for this year's birthday gift.











Since we're come to the topic of painting, I've decided to paint something and place it in my clinic.

Now that I've completed the painting, I am considering whether is it wise to hang it up in the clinic.. Might give the wrong impression though...